The most common form of split custody is when a child enters their teenage years and decides they want a different custody schedule. If you are the parent they are living with, you may really struggle with the thought of them not at your home anymore.
Many parents who have physical custody of their children, fear the day a child comes to them saying they want to live with the other parent. I will be sharing three tips to help you in this situation.
#1: Listen to Their Reasoning
We often want to immediately correct our children when they come to use with a new situation, concern, or challenge in their life. I am asking you to pause for just a moment and really try to listen to your child. They may surprise you with their wisdom and thought process made about the situation. But just to help you out, there are two main reasons a teenager wants to move in with the other parent.
First, it is a fact that teenagers want more freedom. Your child may believe they will be able to spread their wings by moving into the other parents home. They may be enticed by the other parent bribing or promising a better life. Sometimes the child will move out and learn the important lesson that the grass is not always greener on the other side, and move back home.
Second, your teenager wants to bond more with the same-sex parent. They are getting older and are learning more about their roles and identity in life. There are a number of questions they want answered and may feel living with the other parent will help them.
Realize these reasons are very common and natural for your child. It is not because they love you less or do not like living at your home. They are just trying to make their own way in the world.
#2: Strongly Consider the Request
Most parents don't want to have their child leave their care and go live with someone else. The feelings and fears you have about your child leaving are normal but now you need to be understanding. Think about how it may benefit your child and the lessons they could potentially learn by moving in with the other parent.
You may not approve of the other parent and their methods, but as long as they can provide a safe home, you should consider the request. Be aware that most courts will seriously stake into consideration the desired living arrangements of a teenager.
#3: Propose a Trial Run
This is a great way for your child to temporarily see what it is like to live at the other parents home without making a long-term commitment. It shows your child you support them and care about their desires. However, it allows the situation to be temporary.
I would suggest you carefully consider how long the trial run should be. Whenever there is a change in life, there is frequently the "honeymoon phase" where the change is exciting and fun. I recommend you make sure the trial run is long enough to go beyond the honeymoon phase.
How long the trial run should be determined individually. You know your child and the other parent so make a recommendation based on their personalities. If you think the honeymoon phase will last a month, recommend at least two or even three months. This allows your child the opportunity to really see what the situation would be like long-term. Then if things are going well, it can be made permanent.
Conclusion
Remember many families have found that split custody with a teenager works very well. It allows their child to have a bit a freedom and the experience of living with the other parent. As hard as it is to let them go, be proud of the adult they are becoming.
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